Wednesday, April 30, 2003
Pretty nervous right now.
I have to leave work at 3:30pm today to get to my first audition ever in NYC! YIPES! It’s not going to be too difficult since I only have to do a “cold reading”. I don’t have to prepare a monologue or anything, so it’s not like I am actually performing for them. I anticipate that they will hand me a very generic paragraph of literature and I will have to read it with some sort of conviction. Sounds easy enough. What I am hoping is that I will walk in to the interview, they will see how devastatingly handsome I am, and offer to represent me right away. Now, wouldn’t THAT be great? I have been praying and praying all day that I will be able to relax in front of these people, that I will be able to be myself. I haven’t worked this long on a winning personality just to go in and act as though I am shy or that I possess no sense of humor. But sometimes I freeze up and let my nerves take over. In all honesty, if I take a huge dump before I go, I will most likely be fine. Most of my nerves come from my asshole anyway.
The other night when Paul and I were pseudo hooking up and watching television, we came across the strangest thing! A regular TV program came on, but it was engineered for the blind. The actors all said their lines as normal, but thrown in intermittently was a narrator that would start describing the scene as though we had both just lost our sight.
For example, if I was blind, this is what I would have heard:
Johnny: “Susan, I asked you to please pick up Daniel from school today. Where were you?”
Susan: “I forgot all about it! Work has had me swamped and I had no way…”
Johnny: “NO SUSAN! You have done this repeatedly in the past.”
Narrator: “Johnny picks up Daniel under his arms and places him on a chair in the kitchen.”
Susan: “Don’t yell at me. I support this household financially, so you should expect that sometimes you may have to go out of your way to help.”
Narrator: “Johnny shrugs his shoulders and turns his back to Susan.”
Susan: “Look at me when I am talking to you.”
Daniel: “Mommy, don’t yell at daddy!”
Susan: “Shut your fucking face Daniel. SHUT UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!”
Narrator: “Daniel begins to cry.”
Hahaha…ok, I started to get a bit carried away with the fake plot line I just created. But you see what I am talking about. It was so weird to sit there, pretend we were blind, and still know what was going on. I mean, to be honest, it wasn’t much fun and we only remained on the channel for a couple minutes. But how weird! I think Paul said it best when he said: “You know…if I was blind…I think I would give up television all together. There are other things that blind people can do for fun.” And you know what? There is. Like reading books. Well, Braile-ish books. I don’t know. Leave me alone.
My dad talked to my brother from Baghdad yesterday. My brother only had a few minutes to talk, but he let my dad know that he is safe and doing well so far. He feels confident about his training and according to my dad, was ready to complete the mission and get home as soon as possible. Gosh, it’s strange how much more I miss him now that I know he is in the desert and not sitting in his plush apartment. I mean, I’m still not going to see him any more than I would have if he was still on his Germany ARMY base, but just knowing that he was there and not holding an assault weapon in Iraq, made me feel like he was still close. And safe. But it will all be fine. Just gotta keep telling myself that. “Stay positive!” BTW…if one more person tells me to “stay positive”, I am going to punch them in their cunt.
I ate so healthy yesterday! I never eat breakfast, but yesterday I decided to start and with a banana. For lunch I had a salad and a yogurt. For dinner I had chicken breast and green beans! I was so proud of myself. But then I made the mistake of sharing a bottle of wine with Kelly and eating an entire loaf of garlic bread. Then I found some candy in my room and ate that too. Then I chewed some gum, cuz seriously…why was I ruining my whole health day by shoving candy down my gullet? I know why. Cuz I have a lazy eye. Ok, Sike no I don’t. (I forget that I can’t make those jokes, cuz no one on here knows if that is true or not)
Speaking of which…
When Rita came to visit, one of the first things she said was: “I thought I was going to have to talk to you about your eating habits cuz on your journal you say that you have gained so much weight. Joe, you look exactly the way you did when I left. Which is beautiful!” Ok, so I made up the last sentence. But it got me to thinking…does everyone that reads my journal think I am a huge beast? Cuz let me just clarify for everyone…when I say that I am “gaining weight” and that I am a “gigantic monster with blue cheese laden french fries hanging out of my mouth”, I am totally kidding. Well, not about the french fries. Those are hanging out of my mouth. But definitely about the “gigantic” part. I am pretty. Very pretty.
Alright, I hate what I have just written. It’s like trying to convince a deaf person that I play really beautiful music.
Ok, what is with me and the blind and deaf today? So sorry to offend anyone with these inflictions.
snores.
YIPES! Two more hours until my audition. Someone say a prayer for me! And if not, I’ll just say another one for myself.
I really hope this goes well.
Really hope.
I have to leave work at 3:30pm today to get to my first audition ever in NYC! YIPES! It’s not going to be too difficult since I only have to do a “cold reading”. I don’t have to prepare a monologue or anything, so it’s not like I am actually performing for them. I anticipate that they will hand me a very generic paragraph of literature and I will have to read it with some sort of conviction. Sounds easy enough. What I am hoping is that I will walk in to the interview, they will see how devastatingly handsome I am, and offer to represent me right away. Now, wouldn’t THAT be great? I have been praying and praying all day that I will be able to relax in front of these people, that I will be able to be myself. I haven’t worked this long on a winning personality just to go in and act as though I am shy or that I possess no sense of humor. But sometimes I freeze up and let my nerves take over. In all honesty, if I take a huge dump before I go, I will most likely be fine. Most of my nerves come from my asshole anyway.
The other night when Paul and I were pseudo hooking up and watching television, we came across the strangest thing! A regular TV program came on, but it was engineered for the blind. The actors all said their lines as normal, but thrown in intermittently was a narrator that would start describing the scene as though we had both just lost our sight.
For example, if I was blind, this is what I would have heard:
Johnny: “Susan, I asked you to please pick up Daniel from school today. Where were you?”
Susan: “I forgot all about it! Work has had me swamped and I had no way…”
Johnny: “NO SUSAN! You have done this repeatedly in the past.”
Narrator: “Johnny picks up Daniel under his arms and places him on a chair in the kitchen.”
Susan: “Don’t yell at me. I support this household financially, so you should expect that sometimes you may have to go out of your way to help.”
Narrator: “Johnny shrugs his shoulders and turns his back to Susan.”
Susan: “Look at me when I am talking to you.”
Daniel: “Mommy, don’t yell at daddy!”
Susan: “Shut your fucking face Daniel. SHUT UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!”
Narrator: “Daniel begins to cry.”
Hahaha…ok, I started to get a bit carried away with the fake plot line I just created. But you see what I am talking about. It was so weird to sit there, pretend we were blind, and still know what was going on. I mean, to be honest, it wasn’t much fun and we only remained on the channel for a couple minutes. But how weird! I think Paul said it best when he said: “You know…if I was blind…I think I would give up television all together. There are other things that blind people can do for fun.” And you know what? There is. Like reading books. Well, Braile-ish books. I don’t know. Leave me alone.
My dad talked to my brother from Baghdad yesterday. My brother only had a few minutes to talk, but he let my dad know that he is safe and doing well so far. He feels confident about his training and according to my dad, was ready to complete the mission and get home as soon as possible. Gosh, it’s strange how much more I miss him now that I know he is in the desert and not sitting in his plush apartment. I mean, I’m still not going to see him any more than I would have if he was still on his Germany ARMY base, but just knowing that he was there and not holding an assault weapon in Iraq, made me feel like he was still close. And safe. But it will all be fine. Just gotta keep telling myself that. “Stay positive!” BTW…if one more person tells me to “stay positive”, I am going to punch them in their cunt.
I ate so healthy yesterday! I never eat breakfast, but yesterday I decided to start and with a banana. For lunch I had a salad and a yogurt. For dinner I had chicken breast and green beans! I was so proud of myself. But then I made the mistake of sharing a bottle of wine with Kelly and eating an entire loaf of garlic bread. Then I found some candy in my room and ate that too. Then I chewed some gum, cuz seriously…why was I ruining my whole health day by shoving candy down my gullet? I know why. Cuz I have a lazy eye. Ok, Sike no I don’t. (I forget that I can’t make those jokes, cuz no one on here knows if that is true or not)
Speaking of which…
When Rita came to visit, one of the first things she said was: “I thought I was going to have to talk to you about your eating habits cuz on your journal you say that you have gained so much weight. Joe, you look exactly the way you did when I left. Which is beautiful!” Ok, so I made up the last sentence. But it got me to thinking…does everyone that reads my journal think I am a huge beast? Cuz let me just clarify for everyone…when I say that I am “gaining weight” and that I am a “gigantic monster with blue cheese laden french fries hanging out of my mouth”, I am totally kidding. Well, not about the french fries. Those are hanging out of my mouth. But definitely about the “gigantic” part. I am pretty. Very pretty.
Alright, I hate what I have just written. It’s like trying to convince a deaf person that I play really beautiful music.
Ok, what is with me and the blind and deaf today? So sorry to offend anyone with these inflictions.
snores.
YIPES! Two more hours until my audition. Someone say a prayer for me! And if not, I’ll just say another one for myself.
I really hope this goes well.
Really hope.
